The lucky ones.
When this pandemic began, I panicked. My work was centered around human touch and travel. What now? My husband had just moved to a new job, only one month prior. What was going to happen? No school for Luca? How will we manage? A dog we recently adopted who would now be confined to the indoors? How?
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For those of you sheltering in place, in quarantine, or on lockdown with children…. who is the happiest human in the house? I am confident that most of you would answer, your child(ren). Children have a beautiful way of viewing life and a precious perspective on their experience, even during challenging times.
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I began writing this post on Day 14 of lockdown in Valencia, Spain. I wasn’t sure where to start, or even the goal of where I wanted to finish. I wanted a way to share our lockdown experience, but have been struggling to find the words. I am not really sure if there is a message I want to convey, or if this is more of a record for me. A memory, of sorts. There are definitely things I do not want to forget about this time. And other images and stories that I wish I never saw, read, or experienced.
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It’s like one of those nightmares when you see a friend at some distance smiling at you. You are screaming at them, warning them about what is approaching from behind. No matter how loud you are screaming, you have no voice. They cannot hear you. They continue smiling and standing right where they are. Your voice is silent. Your legs don’t work either. You’re frozen. Helpless. Literally watching a nightmare in front of you.
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Isolation. Loneliness. Guilt. Worry, Shame. Paranoia.
These are not the typical emotions you may associate with motherhood, yet, here we are. So many women feeling isolated in their worry. Feeling lonely in their guilt. Feeling alone in their shame. So many women who feel that they are the only one. I too, spent many hours wondering the same thing.
“Am I the only one?”
I do a lot of things right as a parent. However, there are many things I would love to do better. When I ask myself, “am I doing my very best? Am I giving my all in each moment with my family?” Honestly? My answer is “no”. I know that the thing I struggle with most is being mindful in the moment. Ugh. It can be so difficult and seemingly exhausting to be present and engaged in every moment of the day. Sometimes, I think it feels good to take on a mindless task like watching TV or scrolling through photos on Instagram. When I really reflect on these moments of my day however, I am left feeling empty. Disconnected. Alone. Unsatisfied. Continue reading
Traveling internationally with a toddler is quite different than traveling with a newborn. Honestly, I would not declare one “easier” than the other, but they are definitely different. We traveled between Spain and California when Luca was about six and eleven weeks old, as well as a few small European trips since then. You can read about my Tips for Traveling with an Newborn/Infant/Baby, here.Continue reading
As children, we often take for granted the many years of love and care we received from our parents. In fact, many of their memories, of our lives, we may not even remember. The sleepless nights, the countless diaper changes, our first steps, our first words… heck, they even taught us how to use a spoon! I won’t say that I never felt grateful or that I never said “thank you” or “I appreciate you”. I did say those things. However, I haven’t always told my parents all the things I am grateful for. So, on their 40th wedding anniversary, I would like to share with them, and all of you, some of the many things I am forever thankful for.Continue reading
I was recently out with a girlfriend to “grab a quick drink” after work. She was visiting and I was eager to show her around my favorite neighborhood of Valencia, Ruzafa. We met at Ubik Café, a hip, family-friendly cafe/bar/restaurant with book lined walls, friendly waitstaff, craft beers, cozy vibe, and generally busy with the buzz of friends chatting over coffee and snacks. Oh yeah, and wine for 2,50€ a glass. Sounds fun already, right?Continue reading