Why I decided to continue dating, even after I got married
Once upon a time there was a young woman who lived in California. She fell in love with a gorgeous Spanish man. They began a partnership, a life together, and later, they started a family. Before their little one was born, it was all about the two of them. Their dreams, their goals, their fairytale love.
After awhile… nights staring into each other’s eyes and endless hours of pillow talk turned into sleepless nights, tending to cries of a sweet baby in the next room. Afternoons enjoying a coffee on a sunny terrace were suddenly transformed into afternoons of checklists, nap schedules, meal prep, and exhaustion. Date nights that were for holding hands walking in the street, long meals and deep conversation, were now quick meals at home in front of the TV, praying the baby won’t wake up so we could hear how each other’s days were before succumbing to the utter exhaustion of parenthood.
They say that you fall even more in love with your husband after you have children. For me, that is true. I have never seen anything more beautiful than watching my husband as a father. Holy moly, I am so blessed by the way he loves our son. But you know what? Even more than that, I have fallen more in love with him as a man. As my husband. As my partner.
We decided early on that we were going to continue dating. Each other of course! Was it easy to leave our son? No. Did I cry? Yes. Was the first date downstairs from our flat? Absolutely. However, little by little, we saw the value of these moments. Sometimes our dates are a quick glass of wine at the neighborhood bar. Other times, we take an entire weekend away together. Both of these dates are equally important to us as it keeps us connected as a couple. Not just as parents.
5 Reasons Why I Date my Husband
1. When was the last time you had a real conversation with your husband? Not just about work, not about the kids. A real conversation. About goals, fears, dreams, plans… grown-up things. We often get so caught up in parenthood and our adorable children, that we forget that a “we” existed before. And furthermore, we forget that an “I” was there before that. Going on dates with my husband gives us uninterrupted time to actually converse. Time without a baby crying, time free of Paw Patrol (to the rescue!) playing in the background. Time where we actually look at each other as we’re speaking. Time to ask questions, to listen, and to even talk about yourself! For me, these moments have given me not only an opportunity to talk, but also space to think. To consider myself as an individual as well as honor my relationship with my husband outside of parenthood.
2. Let’s be honest mamas. Showers and coordinated outfits have moved lower and lower on the totem pole of importance. Your toddler’s nap time is when you have a moment to a. sit down, b. eat something, c. clean the house, d. do the laundry, e. shower. Showering, getting dressed (no, putting a sweatshirt over your PJs does not count as getting dressed), and putting on make-up are low priority these days. Dating my husband motivates me to channel my inner-pre-baby-woman and I have a chance to wear something cute without worrying about getting yogurt or dirt all over it for once! Putting on a proper outfit, blowdrying my hair, and adding some lipstick to the mix reminds me that there is still a “me” inside the mama that’s running around chasing a toddler all day.
3. Make new memories. In my opinion, making memories with your spouse is one of the most important aspects of maintaining a great relationship. Days as parents can become a bit mundane. We love to go to a new restaurant, picnic at the beach with a bottle of wine, and our favorite…travel to a new destination. Whatever it is, we love to change it up! It’s our chance to share something completely new together.
4. When we return from a one hour date, or a weekend away, we are renewed. We have a new spirit, we are rested and more energetic and we miss our son like crazy! We love how happy he is when we’re away. He also has new experiences, tries new foods, and explores his independence. And… we love how excited he is when he sees us coming home! Just as we enjoy our time together as a couple while we’re away, once we return, we appreciate our time together as a family more and more, exponentially in fact. I date my husband, for our child.
5. Many people in our lives have supported our choice to frequently continue to date one another. Others have shared feelings of envy, while others seem to even roll their eyes when we say where we’re going next month on our weekend away. But you know what? We continue to date each other anyway. We continue to put each other first. We continue to promise to be each other’s “Numero Uno”. We see the value of putting our relationship above all else. Above our friendships, our jobs, and yes, even our children. Because in the beginning, and in the end… it’s all about us. It’s the “us” that is going to not only hold this family together, but also make sure we are thriving. Is it easy to leave our little guy behind? Absolutely not. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
A few photos from our most recent getaway to Lanzarote, Canary Islands
We continue to put each other first. We continue to promise to be each other’s “Numero Uno”.
